This will be my last week as a Guest Writer for the Blog, at least for a while! I have enjoyed my time so much! Dr. Sohail will return but the weeks coming will be very exciting as we have invited others to contribute as Guest Writers as well, so stay posted!
So for this week’s topic… I want to borrow an idea from the work environment that is a very valuable tool in relationships, and that is booking protected time for the business and fun of your relationships. In my personal life and in my work with couples, I suggest a Date Night and what I call The State of the Union Meeting. If you are not just focusing on your individual relationships but are part of a family, we recommend having a regular, usually weekly, Family Dinner and Family Meeting.
People wonder why new relationships are so loving and carefree. But if we consider that in the earlier stages of a relationship we often take significant time to enjoy each others’ company and to talk over issues on a regular basis. As our relationships become more established, and work and other demands take over, often the time to have fun, to problem solve or plan is done in a haphazard way or sadly, when triggered by crisis – hardly a way to create Green Zone Relationships or Green Zone Families.
We recommend that each person in a family has some quality time with every family member thru the week. So the parents have their time with each other as well as with each of the children, and the children have some time that is just Kid’s Time.
Some people may need a bit of convincing to see the wisdom in this plan but most get it right away. Usually the biggest stumbling block is finding time in peoples’ often overwhelmingly busy schedules. In one family that we worked with, it was clear that the father and daughter wanted and needed to spend time together but were challenged to find the time. When we probed further, we learned that the daughter was a devoted soccer player. With a little prompting the dad was happy to take over from his wife and become the primary driver to their daughter’s games. The father and daughter really liked this time together and added in a stop for Hot Chocolate on the way home. Mom, dad and daughter were thrilled not only about having this time together but that they had solved this issue themselves.
So, now again, it’s your turn! Between now and next week, consider how you are maintaining your key relationships with your Dear Ones. Is there regular time arranged for the “business” of the relationship and is there time for just good old F-U-N! What would you like to do about arranging quality time with your Dear Ones?
Wishing you love, health and happiness in your Green Zone!
Warmly,
Bette Davis RN BN MN
Hi Betty,
I am sorry for extended absence, as I fell victim to struggles of life keeping me away.
Allocating quality time with our loved ones and those important in our lives is without doubt one of the most important things overlooked in busy struggles of life. As you rightly pointed out in the example, it is most difficult to resolve within the family. Hardest is to find time with your partner as children are also involved. I have one child and I always faced this problem that the child has no where to go, so how would you find time to spend with your partner… It is usually prescribed to have more children to solve this problem but alas, if it was that easy!
It was nice having you on the driving seat, I hope you will be back some time in the near future. 🙂
Best regards,
Jahanzeb
Dear Jahanzeb, It is nice to have you back. Your comments are always insightful and thought provoking. We feel having regular meetings with our dear ones help us improve our communication and resolve differences. But for that to happen all parties need to agree. Even when couples have difficulties with each other, children can enjoy their time with parents separately. Children know that their parents love them even when they have difficulties with each other. For those people who do not have regular meetings with their biological family, we suggest that they have regular meetings with their friends, whom we call family of the heart. Stay in touch. Peacefully, Dr Sohail